The Simpson Interviews
by Matt Albie
Summary: Lisa interviews characters. A good comedy.
1. Part One and Two

The Simpson Interviews Part One

Lisa: For school I have to interview people around town. Here are their stories.

Law and Order Music Plays

Lisa: Sorry. Start it up.

Tape starts

Lisa: So Barney what do you do?

Barney  
I'm a drunk.

Lisa: I mean what is your job?

Barney: I drink beer.

Lisa: As a job?

Barney: I have a hangover.

Lisa: More on him soon.

Static

Lisa: So Apu are you Indian?

Apu: I'm not a damn native american. You stupid little girl. Don't try to rob me. I have eyes in the back of my head.

Apu turns around to show eyes in the back of his head

Lisa: Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Static

Bart: I'm Bart Simpson, who the Censored are you?

Static

Bart appears doing the moon walk

Bart: Who the Censored are you?

Static

Bart: Stop Censored censoring what I'm saying!

Static

Homer: Yummy bacon. I can't believe it's not pig brand. My favorite.

Static

Lisa: I'll be back soon with more. Stay tuned.

Static 

The Simpson Interviews Part Two

Lisa: I'm back. Here is some more.

The X-Files Music Plays

Static

Lisa: Mom, do you like being married?

Marge: To your father? No. I want to run away and marry Mel Gibson.

Lisa: But both of you are married!

Marge: Oh...right...next question. You can...edit that right?

Static

Homer: Is there supposed to be smoke in the house?

Static

Lisa: Do you have illegal aliens in the back room?

Moe: Of course not little girl.

Moe runs to the back

Moe: Quick run!

Mexican: Back over the border.

The mexicans run out

Static

Bart: Drama is an art, not a load of Censored crap!

Lisa: Bart!

Bart: Actually drama is crap.

Static

Lisa: Barney are you ready?

Barney burps and falls asleep

Lisa: Guess not.

Static

Homer: I like big boobs and I can't deny...

Marge: Homer!

Homer: I smell smoke. Bacon!

Static

Bart: Milhouse is Fallout Boy.

Milhouse: I'll do an interview for a kiss.

Bart: You suck.

Static

Lisa: We'll be back.

Terminator Music Plays 


	2. Part Three and Four

Here are deleted scenes from part two.

Static

Lisa: Welcome back! Here is more.

The West Wing Music Plays

Lisa: Mayor Quimby, are you a corrupt politician?

Quimby: You have no proof.

Lisa: You assasinated the last mayor. You pulled a JFK.

Quimby: His stomach did not go back and to the left!

Static

Homer: Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Skunk. Oh it is just the cat with flower on it.

Static

Bart: I'm a genius! Bow to me!

Bart falls out of the treehouse

Bart: Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Static

Lisa: That is all for now.

Bart: And now for all!

Lisa: We'll be back. 

The Simpson Interviews Part Three

Lisa: I'm back and here are some more interviews.

The Godfather Music Plays

Static

Homer: Whip that butter. Whip it good. Da da da da da da da da! Whip it!

Static

Lisa: So did you kill Johnny Tereci?

Fat Tony: Of course not little goil.

Lisa: Okay, Fat Tony.

Fat Tony: I'm not Fat!

Henchman: Yes you are.

Tony shoots him

Fat Tony: You didn't see anything little goil. Here is one hundred thousand dollars, now off you go.

Henchman 2: We should bury him next to Jimmy Hoffa.

Static

Homer: Born free, as free as the pandas, as free as a man does, to follow his heart.

Static

Bart: I'm Daredevil.

Lisa: So you are blind?

Bart: Oh crap.

Static

Lisa: Did you find who killed Jimmy Hoffa?

Wiggum: I think I sat on my donut.

Static

Homer: Can't touch this. No, can't touch this.

Static

Milhouse: I'll give you an interview for a kiss.

Lisa: Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Static

Lisa: Let me go get the new tape.

Lisa walks away and Bart comes over

Bart: Watch this!

Static

Homer: I'm singing in chocolate, I'm singing in the chocolate...

Static

Bart: I will rule the world. Hahahahahaha!

Lisa smacks him in the head. Bart falls out of the treehouse again

Bart: I need a bungie corddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Static

Lisa: Come back soon for more.

The Simpson Interviews Part Four

Bart: There comes a time in life wear you have to break free.

Lisa: Bart! Stop playing with the camera!

Static

Lisa: How do you feel about your wife's death?

Flanders: I...she...dom diddly doodly...want...hoodily...

Lisa: I'll be right back.

Lisa runs out of the house

Static

Lisa: What is it like being a baby?

Maggie crawls away

Static

Homer: Dad, did you break your leg again. If you did Marge can take you to the doctor.

Static

Lisa: So what do you do?

Proffesor Frink: Well, moohame, I was building a ray to freeze the city and then it fell on me, moohagan. By the way can you unfreeze me, mohane.

Static

Homer: Who drank all the beer?

Marge: You did.

Homer: Okay.

Static

Bart: I come to suck your blood.

Bart's vampire teeth fall out

Bart: I'll be right back.

Static

Lisa: Where are the rest of the tapes?

Bart: I have them in my secret laboratory! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Lisa: I'll tell Mom.

Bart: D'oh!

Static

Frink: Little girl, I need to be unfrozened mohagan!

Static

Quimby: I did not kill the last mayor.

Lisa: You gave the order. And you tried to prove a lone stabber.

Quimby: Harvey Lee Oswald did do it! It was not a conspiracy!

Lisa: I'll take you to court!

Quimby: Arrest her!

Lisa: Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Static

Bart: And she won't let me participate.

Frasier: I understand.

Sideshow Bob: Well time to die Bart Simpson!

Frasier: Aren't we both played by Kelsey Grammar?

Sideshow Bob: We sound very much alike.

Bart: I'm just going to...

Bart runs out the door

Static

Girls: We want Bart! We want Bart!

Bart: Thank you, thank you very much.

Lisa: What are you doing?

Bart: I have the Bart Rulez Fan Club.

Lisa: You spelt rules wrong.

Bart: Don't make fun of black people!

Girls: Bad Lisa Simpson. We're Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?

Lisa: Oh brother.

Bart: What?

Static

Homer: It's not the east or the west side.

Bart: No it's not.

Homer: It's not the north or the south side.

Bart: No it's not.

Homer: It's the Homer side.

Bart: No it's not.

Homer: Why you little...!

Homer starts to strangle Bart

Homer: Take that fake Darth Vader!

Static

Girls: We're Bart Simpson, who the Censored are you? Don't Censoreding censor us!

Yoda: Begins, the Simpson war has.

Groups of girls from Bart's club march into a space ship

Bart: Don't miss my story. The Simpson Wars. Coming soon.

Lisa: That is a rip off of Fangirl Wars! And Fangirl Wars is copywrited.

Bart: D'oh!

Static

Yoda: Yoda ley he hoo!

Lisa: What the hell?

Static

Lisa: More is to come.

Bart: Don't miss me.

Girls: We love you Bart...

Static

Homer: Turn your feet around.

Marge: How?

Homer: D'oh!

Static

Lisa: We'll be right back.

People: Commercial break.

Lisa: Yeah... 


	3. Part Five and The Homer Moments

The Homer Moments is here. Not Part of the real interviews. Just a couple things. It is not part five.

The Simpson Interviews: The Homer Moments

Lisa: We are back. Here is some Homer moments.

Static

Homer: I think I ran over the cat. Good thing it has nine lives.

Static

Homer: I want to be live in Paris.

Marge: Why?

Homer: Nude beaches!

Static

Homer: Are you a dude, dude? Why of course you are a dude, dude, because I called you a dude, dude. Dude?

Static

Homer is dancing in his underwear

Homer: I feel good. Do do do do do do do. I knew that I would now. Do do do do do do do do. So good, ba ba, so good, I got you you, yeah!

Static

Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson, and Homer are sitting at the American Idol table

Paula: We love you Homer.

She hugs him

Randy: You are so, like, a great guy. You remind me of me. Except you are yellow.

Simon: Can you sing?

Homer: Can you?

Simon: Are you mocking me?

Homer: Are you mocking me??

Simon: No.

Simon presses red button. Radioactive Man bursts into the room.

RM: Prepare to meet your demise.

RM shows Homer a box of donuts

Homer: Umm, donuts, uhhahahahah!

Static

Lisa: Don't miss our next official Simpson Interviews. More The Homer Moments will come during intermissions

The Simpson Interviews Part Five

Bart: Lisa is sick...actually I threw her over the Mexican border so I will be taking over the interviews for now.

Mexico

Lisa: You let all the other Mexicans cross the border.

Guard: Sorry, you can't come over to Americano.

Lisa: D'oh!

Static

Bart: I'm a your father!

Grandpa: Wow, Dad, you are shorter than I am.

Static

Apu: Come back here. You must pay for that slushie!

Bart: Never.

Apu: Prepare to die.

Apu takes out a shotgun

Bart: Ahh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Static

Sideshow Bob: Indeed, we do have similiar characteristics.

Frasier: Do you hang out in bars?

Sideshow Bob: Used to. Then I moved here.

Frasier: I see.

Static

Bart: Catch.

Bart throws Maggie's binky. Maggie takes a new one out of her pocket and crawls away

Bart: D'oh! 

Static

Bart: Let me...

Lisa: Bart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bart: Uh oh.

Girls: Oh no! Run Bart, run!

Bart: Ahhhh!!!!!!!!!

Lisa: Here are the real interviews.

Static

Lisa: Why don't people like you as much?

Krusty: Hey hey...don't bring me down. Now I need to smoke.

Static

Homer: What is the book God wrote?

Marge: The Bible. And God didn't write it.

Homer: Damn christians.

Marge: They wrote it.

Homer: D'oh!

Static

Lisa: See Bart run.

Lisa throws Bart's baseball out the window. Bart runs after it like a dog

Static

Apu: Not you again.

Lisa: Are you going out of business.

Apu: Don't make me show you.

Lisa: No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apu: I was just threatening you, but on that account.

Apu shows her a picture of a gold statue

Lisa: That's nice.

Apu: I'm going to paint you gold.

Lisa: Ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Static

Lisa: We'll be back soon.

People: Come back soon! 

Lisa: Weird. 

The Simpson Interviews The Homer Moments

Lisa: Back on popular demand...

Static

Homer: They say we're old and all that's true, but you got me and baby I got you. Babe, I got you babe.

Maggie starts to dance

Static

Bart: Prepare to die!

Lisa: These are the Homer moments. Not your moments.

Bart: D'oh!

Static

Homer: I think I will have vegetables when pigs fly.

Homer looks out the window and sees a bird fly by. He mistakes it for a pig

Homer: D'oh!

Static

Homer: I think my father is dead.

Marge: What?

Homer: I hit him with the car.

Marge: Oh my God!

Grandpa: I'm still alive!

Grandpa is hit by Flanders car

Grandpa: Ouch.

Flanders: Oh my good did doodly gosh! I hit somebody! God, please forgive my hum didly doo of a soul!

Static

Lisa: We will be back to the regular interviews soon. 


End file.
